Queen of Buddyland

I'm that girl. The one who the guys love to be friends with, but the platonic relationship is kind of where it ends. Being called "one of the guys" fills me with a mix sentiment of pride and loathing. Sometimes I want to yell, "But I'm not one of the guys! Look at me! See me! I'm a girl!" Other times I get a smug sense of satisfaction and a smirk spreads across my face and I think, "That's right."

Boys who are already in relationships often tell me that they can't understand why I'm not. I have been described to girlfriends and wives as; funny, awesome, pretty, cool, (and pretty cool), level-headed, in need of a good kiss by someone who knows how (this was the most uncomfortable because it was said directly to me by a married man...*creeped-out shiver*). I'm the girl every guy wants as a girlfriend...but there is something missing because I have rarely been a girlfriend.

In high school I dubbed this state-of-being as "Buddyland". I seemed forever trapped as "Man's Best Friend" (sorry Lassie). Guys who I would hang out with on a daily basis, guys who I loved and pined for, would ask me advice on girls, tell me their woes and heartaches, and I - what did I do? I consoled, I advised, I put my heart on a shelf and was "there for them".

I did this for nearly a decade and I am here to testify that there are only so many times you can tell someone that each girl is different from the next, just as each guy is different from the next before it starts to get old.

All this experience beefed up my resume and taught me a lot about the opposite sex, so in college I became the Mayor of Buddyland, by then I had a following. Single girls who had heard my theories and felt that I was on to something. A following though brings questions from each citizen of Buddyland who wonders eagerly, "How do I get out?".

How do I get out?

What a loaded question! The worst part about the dating game is the whole part where participants are seeking answers. There is no answer key to this, no definite answers at least.

• You can cut and dye your hair


• You can dumb yourself down or read up on his favorite topics


• You can lose/gain weight to fit someone's image of perfection


• You can just be yourself and hold on, someone will come

I like the last option, though some may consider it a cop-out, but here's the thing. You can go around changing yourself all you like to fit what someone else thinks they want, but chances are high you'll still be in Buddyland. Normally, if a guy doesn't immediately see you as a potential, he's not going to change his mind. If he sincerely sees you as "just friends" you're likely to stay there for the rest of your life. That isn't to say that he asks you out right away though, some guys want to build the friendship before the first date, from there, they make their final decision- Friend or Girlfriend? (or option 3: take her on a couple of dates because I'm still interested but not sure I want to completely commit to this one).

And I don't know much, but I do know that most guys aren't going to come running at you from across the room expressing their feelings before they are sure (some do and if you like that sort of thing more power to you...most girls though will go running in the other direction). Hanging in there is tough, like that cat on the tree branch waiting.

Unfortunately though, the only tried and true answer I have for how to escape Buddyland is to wait. Your stay in Buddyland is not forever, it is only until you find another citizen (or they find you) and the two of you decide together that it's time to leave...for a period of time or for forever.

And in case you're wondering how I went from mayor to Queen...it was decided recently - because I am not up for reelection and I was never elected in the first place, leadership in this area was bestowed upon me by a higher power. Friend tested and Pope approved.