I have always known that girls are prone to over analyze everything that the guy they like says or does. I learned in college that boys are just as guilty.
Like you already know, I am a pro at this Buddyland business, so you shouldn't be surprised that I was constantly hanging out with boys during college (but alas, not dating them). I was hanging out with one of my best guy friends at his apartment with his roommates. They had just gone off on how girls read into everything. I held my peace, one of the amazing things about guys forgetting you are a girl is that you get to see what it's really like on "the other side". So I listened to them, this was not really news to me, girls do over analyze things. The part that made me laugh was when ten minutes later, one of them (who happened to have a crush on his female study buddy) tells his roommates that the girl left her textbook there. Then he starts to wonder if she did it on purpose or not. Suddenly all the boys were jumping in with ideas and suggestions and saying how she probably wanted him to ask her out.
I laughed, "and girls over analyze everything?"
The room went silent, as though the boys just realized that I was there. I had infiltrated a sacred male bonding ritual. I could have heard crickets chirping. I cleared my throat and shrugged my shoulders, "she could have done it on purpose."
Conversation resumed like a car engine starting back up after a quick stall. That was a close one. But this is what I am saying, the human condition leaves us open to over analyzing things. We can read between the lines to see or hear anything our little heart desires. I am just as guilty as the next person, don't think I am immune to it, I am after all, only human.
The other night I was giving a friend some advice. He had an issue with a persistent girl with whom he had no feelings for, had never even tried to strike up anything with her, but she was certain he had feelings for her. I tried to give him a crash course in understanding that a person will read what they want to read unless you are painstakingly clear. If you have no feelings for someone say it! "So-and-so, I only like you as a friend," is the nicest way to let someone down.
My friend began to text her back and then showed me what he had written. I read it a million ways all at once. I gently told him that he could go ahead and say that, but she will read it as, "I may or may not like you, but I won't act on my feelings because of this." Which if she wants to, she'll read as, "change this and we're golden". I knew he had no interest, so I knew that wasn't what he really wanted to say. I told him to be straightforward. He didn't show me what the next one said, so I am only going to guess he wasn't straightforward. It's a difficult thing to do, I forgive him. Boys and girls alike have difficulty with this (again - guilty over here too). Not being straightforward however, just messes things up more.
When I first graduated college I immediately started to work at my old high school job (until I found something better right? Always how it starts). This job was great, because I felt 17 and I had a following of 17 year old boys who were a little obsessed - I mean, I was a college girl, who talked to them and thought most of them were funny, and would even acquiesce to hang out with some of them (only the really cool ones). There was one boy though, who fell into some serious like with me, I of course, was oblivious for obvious reasons. He was young, I was not; he was interested, I was not; oh and the whole part where boys are just not that into me. Apparently though, everything I had done...ever sent the signal that I liked him too. So he took the chance and e-mailed me about it, expressing his feelings, stating that he felt I shared those sentiments. In my effort to not break the poor boy's heart, I tried to let him down easy. I explained that I thought he was a great guy, but I didn't see anything happening. For a little extra sweetness I mentioned that there was an age difference too (in case he missed it). It was as though I hadn't said anything else, what he read was, "I think you are a great guy, if you weren't under aged I'd totally date you." Because the message I got back was, "So if I was 18 you'd date me?" This is after an in person heart to heart as well. I was frustrated at that moment and wrote back saying, "No, I'm saying I only see you as a friend." SEND.
It was the first step towards saying what I mean to people, I still have my snafus from time to time, but I usually correct them quickly.
I began this post because I had a friend ask me to analyze a question she received from a guy she liked. I was nervous for the challenge, how am I suppose to know what someone else meant? I was quite relieved when the question seemed nothing more than a question. I saw no way for it to mean anything more than one friend talking to another. I said so to my friend, who then insisted I just didn't understand the situation, the context of the question. I told her it was just my opinion, but I saw nothing there. It was like asking me to decipher what someone meant when they ask, "How are you?" ...they want to know how you're doing today.
Sometimes a question is just a question. Sometimes actions and words are not meant to be reviewed and picked over. But when we like someone, we just can't seem to help ourselves.
No comments:
Post a Comment